‘FIGHT & FLIGHT’

 

OR

DAINTY DITTIES FROM DOWN UNDER

 OR

 
THREE AUSSIE BIRDS WHO REALLY CAN ROCK

  

Imagine the scene, you’re fast asleep with the prospects of the hangover from hell and some a-hole wakes you up with a couple of jack hammers. You can feel your brain pressing against the insides of your skull, your red, bloodshot eyes strain in their sockets whilst your eardrums commence to explode and the bird you pulled has crapped in the middle of the bed. Right now its time to turn this delightful scenario into music so enter stage left Tequila Mockingbyrd aka T-Byrd or three hardened Australian rock chicks with the subtlety of a two dollar whore on a bad night.

 

 

Describing themselves as Melbournians, Estelle Artois pounds out the lead vocals with raucous inflections that verge on hatred whilst playing a mean lead six-string. Bass is taken care of by Jess Reily with Josie O’Toole on drums. Describing their music as high-velocity melodic punk with a healthy dose of primitive rock, their first album ‘Fight and Flight’ is best described as a collection of all of the above with a bollock kicking dose of go get f*@ked attitude.

  

Even Halestorm’s Lzzy Hale has described them as Incredible; those girls are so talented…what a voice, I love it”, not bad given Hale’s kick ass vocals. Why you might ask? Or maybe not but I’m still going to tell you. Ms Artois, (shame she chose to name herself after piss thin Belgium lager especially since there’s far better brews out there to choose from), has a vocal depths and a gravelly delivery plenty of guys would be delighted to have. As soon as Estelle’s mouth opens, there’s no mistaking her delicate tones, strident strains you can’t possibly mistake.

 

Having already performed over two hundred shows since they first formed back in 2012, the new album features thirteen songs the debut single ‘I Smell Rock ‘n’ Roll’ is described as ‘exactly like the Lynx fragrance ‘Rockstar’ would smell like if you could hear it’. Worrying I know, but providing you can get the images of crap, koala bear’s arse aftershave out of your mind, the track embodies everything the T-Byrds stand for.

 

‘Never Go Home’ is a disco-punk tribute to the days when the girls were gently escorted out of one of Melbourne’s infamous Esplanade Hotel by security staff. Equally, ‘Shut Me Down’ came about in a car park after their first gig whilst ‘This Ain’t Dead’ is a slow, down and dirty metronomic homage to rock at its honest best. Signing off with the fifties rocker style ‘Jagerbomb’ the final song ‘Good Time’ is one hell of a way to say that’s it for now. Capturing everything Tequila Mockingbyrd stand for, their debut album typifies Estelle’s, Jess’ and Josie’s take on like of work hard, play hard and rock hard.

  

Already benefiting from plenty of air time on a variety of radio stations along with a whole host of social media videos, apart from track 9 ‘Somebody Put Something In My Drink’, all the remaining tracks are all the girls’ hard work. Bags of talent, a staggering voice and enormous amounts of presence, whilst they might not be the sort of girls you take home to meet your mother unless she happens to be smacked off her tits, Tequila Mockingbyrd are three rockers that demand you take notice of them.

 

To find out more, get yourself a copy of one hell of an album and take a look at one of the best rock bands to hit the scene, visit www.tequilamockingbyrdband.com where you can listen to the band’s debut single, download various tracks and sort out your CD. What with Neighbours, Home & Away, Kylie and Jason, Australia has dumped some right shite on the rest of the world. Thank f*&k Tequila Mockingbyrd are reversing the trend. Believe me, you’ll hear more and more of these girls and if you don’t pay sufficient attention Estelle is more than likely to call round and rip your balls off! As I said, they’re a dainty bunch. Rock on cobber!

 

Better still, Tequila Mockingbyrd are due to announce their first UK tour dates for later in the year. As soon as they’re available the Aged Rocker will ensure you know where and when.

 

To keep a more detailed track of the band and give them your support head to;

 

 

www.facebook.com/tequilamockingbyrdband

www.instagram.com/tequilamockingbyrdband/

www.twitter.com/tequilabyrds

  

AR 

BRIAN’S BACK!!!

About time and a glowing example of the fact you can’t keep a good man down. In association with Planet Rock, the radio station that ensures the Aged Rocker is kept calm and tranquil as each day passes, their gentle digital strains soothing the AR fevered brow, has called upon Brian Johnson the now ex-AC/DC frontman to present a radio show….couldn’t think of a better man to do the job!!! And as I’ve already said Brian should be the new Top Gear presenter instead of that talentless ginger to@£pot.

 

Planet Rock already employ the sophisticated sounds and services of the debonair rocker Alice Cooper so engaging the shy and retiring Geordie gentleman is not only logical, it also means ‘rods’ to Brian’s ex-employers and the wheelchair bound fat tw&t that’s usurped his rightful place in life.

 

All the best Brian and bloody good on ya, the old AR himself already convinced Brian’s show will be as ‘smooth as a gravy sandwich’. Oh and by the way, Brian’s on this Sunday night so get yer DAB tuned in nice and early. In fact if your radio isn’t turned into Planet Rock….why the hell not? It should be mandatory so get on with it.

 

Rock on and thanks Planet Rock. Nice to see someone out there in rock land still has some good old common bloody sense!!! All we now need is for Brian, Jeremy Clarkson and the Aged Rocker to band together for a motors and music program…..now that just would be a show worth watching wouldn’t it?

TRUCKIN’ HELL

 

Out and about on his travels the old Aged Rocker is always on the alert for something that appeals to him. And so it was as he made his way along the A59 on his way into deepest, darkest Yorkshire. Sat on the forecourt of what looked like a disused garage sat three of the most iconic, rock’n’roll, hardcore classic vehicles you or the AR will be fortunate enough to ever sling their respective backsides behind the wheel of.

 

 

If there’s a motor out there that oozes style and makes the ultimate ‘couldn’t give a flying f$#k’ attitude statement it’s a 50’s American stepside pickup. Built like the proverbial Sherman tank and about as forgiving, Chevrolet, Ford, International, Studebaker, GMC and Dodge all made them and they all featured the exact same thing. That superb stepside profile and the ability to last to a degree if you hits an American 50’s pickup wing with a lump hammer you won’t make a dent. Nothing but nothing is built like one of these trucks. And don’t be put off by the light surface rust or various coats of paint, it doesn’t make the slightest difference. In fact it adds to the appeal!

 

 

 

Fitted with a variety of engines from 4 or 6 cylinder straights to big bruiser V8’s all usually mated to a column shift 3-speed transmission, these Yank commercials more often than not outlasted their first, second and third owners. Whether you fancy a full restoration, fit new running gear but leave the bodywork as a rustoration, go rat rod or full low rider custom complete with a short block Chevy with four on the floor, throw the Mopar book at it, drop in a big turbo Cummins diesel or drag it up with big chrome rims and a SoCal airbrush paint job, its all OK with a 50’s pickup.

 

 

This trio of trucks over in Yorkshire were all Ford F-100 of varying ages plus some mobile numbers to call if you’re so interested. As to whether they still had an engine who knows or better still, who cares. Get a proper gas flowed V8, a decent auto shift, power steering, some wide mag alloys or deep dish steels and a straight thru onboard and apart from some instrumentation of your personal choice and a proper mega watt hifi, you’ll be ready to blister some tarmac or look the mutt’s nuts on a summer evening’s cruise. Just think of it, a pair of Steve McQueen shades, an Oily Rag t-shirt, Redwing boots, a soft pack of Camel with a Zippo and Joe Satriani playing Summer Song….what more do you want?  

 

 

 

 

More years ago than he cares to remember the AR had the good fortune to have to test drive and photograph some of these trucks and came away mighty impressed. Yes, they weigh a bollocks swelling ton to drive, get bloody hot inside, don’t have a single driver aid and drink fuel like a coach load of alcoholics on a bender. They were built to last, turn heads to a degree Italian super car owners get seriously jealous and are without doubt one of the best babe magnets you’ll ever own or drive. There ain’t a chick out there that won’t get it wet and sticky for a rubber burning F-100 and the dude driving it! If not it’ll one of those ball kicker followers that are nothing more than a drain on yer wallet! Well sorted there’s nothing like one of these American trucks be it looks, presence or sheer style and you can guarantee you’ll have one of the best, iron clad investments ever to have four wheels lashed onto it.   

 

 

 

The only thing you need to go with it is an Indian Classic and the contents of your garage is complete. So take the old AR’s advice and go check out these 50’s Fords. The old git guarantees you’ll be heading home with one……….rock on!

 

 

LIGHT FANTASTIC

 

After a day behind the wheel the Aged Rocker likes to unwind with a glass of his favourite bourbon. It’s just unfortunate that one of these best Kentucky Straight whiskies you’ll pour down your neck happens to be called Knob Creek, the creek bits alright but the first part of the name tends to be a cause of much pi@# taking. However, a few minutes spent on the balcony before retiring taking in the last of the evening air is all well and good but if you can’t see anything it can get hard work. Enter the LuminAID Packlite12.

 

To start with it doesn’t need batteries instead a small, inbuilt solar panel that charges up the power source in seven hours the end result being six hours of bright, white light or up to thirty-two if you use one of the lower settings. All you have to do is unclip the securing strap, untwist the rubberised white box, blow some air into it and press the on switch. No matter what you do you won’t break it since it bounces and floats and when you’ve done, open the valve, counter twist the ends and fasten the strap. It’s so easy to use even my girlfriend’s been able to master it!!!!!!

 

 

Humour aside especially since she drinks my bourbon, the Packlite12 is one of those must have, common sense gadgets that really does work. Designed by Andrea Sreshta and Anna Stork, these two architectural students who realised that there was an actual need for a simple, rechargeable, self-contained light, these little lights now form part and parcel of numerous emergency services and disaster relief equipment. For the AR it’s running out of Knob Creek that’s a serious international incident, two, three or maybe even four fingers just the right amount to ease the old git gently into the land of nod and enough to blot out ‘her’ snoring.

 

 

Measuring 110mm when inflated and the same when deflated apart from the fact it becomes only 11mm thick, the great thing is as soon as the sun comes out this little light is instantly recharging itself which also means you don’t have to remember to buy batteries since it doesn’t use ‘em! It’s also a fantastic piece of kit to carry on your motorbike since it’s small enough to fit in your tool roll or top box and if you clamp it to your handlebars or pop it on the seat when you’ve stopped, with the solar panel pointing upwards its busy charging up again. There’s even a little red LED to let you know energy is being gathered.

 

 

Enjoying a final bevy as the day draws to an end is all well and good. But if you trip over your motorbike the night takes on a whole new meaning especially if you’ve spilt yer drink as a result. To get your mitts on your own LuminAID Packlite12 visit www.rohan.co.uk and part with a miserly £19-99p or to check out some of the other LuminAID products go to www.luminAID.com

AS THEY SHOULD BE

 

Courtesy of an invitation from a guy called Dave Brown at MCO and Steve Cain, one of the world’s most exclusive bikers, the Aged Rocker joined in with a demo over in Wigan. No, not the type of demo the Froggies stage on a yearly basis but a collective of likeminded chaps who like American motorbikes. Based at MCO’s Orrell Victory and Indian dealership it was also a chance for those who like to ride an all-American sled without having to throw a leg over a Harley-Davidson. Let’s face it, if ever a brand has become a parody of itself its good old H-D but I must say one of those pink toweling H-D tracksuits does look tempting!!!!! Better still, why not buy one of the dealers T’s and pay them to do some advertising for them. Well I suppose if you’re daft enough.

 

 

 

The oldest name in motorbikes, Indian’s 1953 demise more or less came about due to the Massachusetts’ company patriotism. Whist Indian concentrated their efforts in the production of military machinery at the expense of their dealers and domestic market, another well know US make that could have been mentioned earlier in this diatribe not so keen on flag waving, effectively stole Indian’s market from under them. But much to the delight of real bikers the tables are being turned and here at AR HQ we love it!  

 

 

 

Yes, from an initial re-launch in 1999 complete with S&S engines and then Powerplus bottlecaps, bankruptcy in 2003, another appearance in 2006 it was Polaris’ acquisition of the name in 2011 that gave the brand its newly found solid footing. And solid it bleedin’ well is the Indian’s head now looking arrow straight down the highway ahead.

 

 

 

 

The new range of Indians now recreate the glory days of the name, from the Chief Classic, Chief Vintage, Chieftain Dark Horse, the Roadmaster and the stunning new Springfield all powered by the 111cu inch Thunder Stroke engines or the slightly smaller 61cu inch engined Scout and Scout Sixty, all the Indians recall and recreate the halcyon days of enduring motorbike design. All V-Twins, when the open road meant just that, freedom and the far distant horizon, something the old AR can fully appreciate, an Indian’s V is the only way to chase the sunset.

 

 

If the fully blown retro of the Indians is a little to much for those of a slightly more demure and sensitive nature then there’s always the Victory bikes. Debuted at Plant Hollywood in 1997 by none other than Al Unser Jr, the Victory is the tangible vision of how the American motorbike should have evolved if other complacent manufacturers hadn’t sat on their lardy arsed laurels. Divided neatly into Cruisers, Baggers and Touring catagories along with the all new electric Empulse TT and the squared off, 1200cc Octane, the Victory bikes are a beautifully balanced combination of American bike tradition and modernity. Whether it’s a Vegas 8-Ball, the High-Ball, the Hammer S, the new Gunner or the transcontinental Cross Country Tour, it’s a case of big engines, low revs and relaxed riding that make the Victory bikes what they are.       

 

 

 

But if the bikes don’t float yer boat and you’ve got twenty-five large doing nothing do please try a Slingshot. Is it a car, is it a bike or is it a trike? Apart from the fact nobody seems to know as to what exactly the Slingshot actually is, what the AR can tell you is that its one hell of a piece of machinery that can be driven or ridden on both a bike and car license. It gets even better when the R’s got a blonde babe riding shotgun.

 

 

With two ultra wide alloy rims up front and one big belt driven wheel at the back the 2.4 litre,173hp DOHC VVT engine that delivers 166ft/lbs of torque to a vehicle that weighs a mere 1,683lbs. Sited as low as it’ll go and between the passengers’ legs, the Slingshot is encapsulated within and around a steel spaceframe and some of the most off the wall, recreational pharmaceutical induced bodywork, the Slingshot the culmination of a creative genius, a seriously deranged mind or someone with a need for speed that’s off the chart.

 

Mated to a 5-speed transmission, electronic power steering and stability control and Double-Wishbone front suspension and sway bar, if Sigmund Freud was still alive it’d skullf#$k the old guy into submission. Want to know why? Well let’s put it this way, Polaris either won’t or can’t tell you what the 0-60 is but all the AR can tell you is that with 4,000rpm on the clock all hell lets loose. And at MCO Orrell you even got the four piece rockers Marauder and their seriously different version of ‘The Wheels on the Bus’, as heartwarmingly non-PC as it gets. 

 

 

So if American metal and bikes that look like what they should get things stirring down below, go visit your local Indian or Victory dealer and find out when the Road Show hits town. Or why not visit www.victorymotorcycles.com or www.indianmotorcycles.com to find your nearest dealer. And even if bikes aren’t your thing you’ll still get the chance to meet Emma or Stephanie who’ll definitely get things stirring down below. If not, both makes have some rather nice leather chaps in their clothing collection!!!! But thank the Lord, there’s not a pink track suit in sight.